That One Regret….

I have two major regrets in life (well three if you count marrying my first husband) but we aren’t going there today.

My two major regrets happened around the same time. One before the other but both for similar reasons- and come to think of it, both because of my first husband! Ah ha!!

But I digress, let’s not blame anyone, let’s talk about my decisions and lessons!

Regret #1 was selling my Apple stock. If you know anything about anything you know selling a high producing stock is just a bad idea, but I was in a desperate place. Why? Well it is the preface of ‘Confessions of a Boomeranger’ basically my life story coming back to Tulsa. A short version of my Boomeranger story is this: Little girl dreams of moving to NYC> that little big girl moves to NYC> at 30 big girl gets pregnant and has the most amazing blessing of a baby girl!! But raising a baby in NYC was challenging as I didn’t enjoy roughing it in the ‘concrete jungle gyms’ as much as I thought I would. Plus that first husband (I promised we wouldn’t go there!!) Let’s just say, he and I didn’t work out, I moved back to Tulsa with my 1 1/2 year old baby girl and started over from scratch = hello Boomeranger!

Selling my Apple stock seems to be a good idea at the time, especially since I was a new mother and full time TV host in a city where that job DIDN’T exist and in a city I swore I would only visit for Christmas. I was back in my hometown, broke, and with an adorable baby to raise on my own. So, as any slightly desperate right brained Creative would do, I sold my Apple stock to pay my rent. * Let me pause here for a second to wipe my tears of regret!!! I don’t really feel like typing how much money I would have had NOW if I kept my shares of that stock. But as a wise woman once said to me, you can’t have the testimony with out the TEST! I learned my lesson. Don’t sell SHIT! hahaha Or at least not until you get educated advice from legit traders (and a CPA!!!)

How does this circle back to my 2nd regret- well it' happened around the same time but a very different reason. Upon moving back to Tulsa as a self proclaimed ‘Boomerranger’—- ya’ll get the reference now??? A Boomerang starts and ends up in the same place after a wild and fun jaunt around the world ;) Hence why I am a Boomeranger, born in Tulsa and life flung me back here.

But for a reason. I love Tulsa. Creating work here as a TV host has not been easy but it sure has given me that ‘testament’ though the many tests. So let’s get back to my 2nd regret story. Ready?

I quit. Yep. I quit something I started and regret it. Again, I don’t like to blame anyone for my life choices but I sure did have some real challenges that caused me to quit what I started. What was it, you might ask? #Unscripted. Oklahomas First Digital Talk Show. While living in NYC, I had 2 dreams- to be the next female Anthony Bourdain and to be the next Kathy Lee on the Today Show (I know most people roll their eyes when they think Kathy Lee but I loved her). As you will come to know, my dreams are never far fetched and I am not a talker, I walk the walk and try everything in my power to get a chance of achieving my dreams. I have tried to BE the Bourdain. While living in LA, I started a digital show, America’s Gypsy, traveling the world through our senses and Uniting Us Through our Cultural Differeneces- those were the clever tag lines I came up with. Basically a hand held video series shot on my old school Canon with a flip screen and edited on iMovie… self-captured moments of me going around the cultural communities of LA, learning about the people. Some of my best moments were in Little Ethiopia on Fairfax and Koreatown in … Koreatown. It was raw, real and fun and not as bad as it sounds. Watch here. That show morphed into many different versions in NYC ( I will write about that later)

Let’s get back to #Unscripted in Tulsa. Moving back to Tulsa was as humbling experience and thanks to selling my Apple Stock at a shitty price, I got to move into a sweet little apartment down by the river almost under a bridge. In NYC I worked full time as a TV host and spokeswoman and here, there just wasn’t as much work. There were TV anchors, TV reporters and TV producers. Oh and radio, but I don’t have a face for radio and I need to use what God gave me. So I started the homemade version of the show I actually wanted to watch- a digital talk show- #unscripted. It was fun real and raw; showcasing cool events and people around town. Kind of like NY LIVE in NYC- Laura Scala would do the traffic and then head down to Chinatown to check out the latest and greatest Italian restaurant (another show I wanted to host in NYC). It was a fun short segment that aired on TV, in taxis and most importantly digitally. My show, #Unscripted, aired on Facebook and Youtube. I started it with 3 ladies, Lisa Jones, Penny Shelton and Neile Jones. It slimmed down to just Penny, Lisa and I and eventually became just me! It was a blast! My tagline was -Who you should know, Where you can go, and What you can do. I interviewed everyone from Cheech from Cheech and Chong when he came to Tulsa for an event at Philbrook to the founders of Tulsa Tough and every single non-profit gala in the city. I was even in mens urinals…. plastered on the wall advertising my show! That iconic #Unscripted smiley headshot in white with my red and black NY Times font. The show even eventually got on TV! I made a deal with the local public TV station, RSU- and they aired my 2 minutes spots as interstitials between programing. It was growing and I was making some money and having fun! So why did you quit, Ana? I know you are dying to ask that question….. well damn it, I guess the honest answer is because of a man. I was dating a semi-famous jazz musician at the time, we will not mention his name, and he was back and forth between Tulsa- Santa Fe -New Orleans. Since I was so smitten with him, I followed him and lost focus on the show. When our relationship tragically ended, I was so deflated (depressed) and damaged that I could barely pick myself back up and get this show going again. At one point, I made the stupid mistake of incorpating him as a co-host of the show, (ladies NEVER have your BF as a co-host) bad call!! And when that didn’t work and the break up happened, I stopped the show and feel into a deep depression. Months later when I rose from my ashes, I started a podcast spin off of the show, Life Unscripted. This was before everyone and their dog had a podcast and it was actually one of the first podcasts in Tulsa. It was fun- but again, I don’t have a face for podcasts either. I prefer video! We went FB live with the podcast and I had the privilege of interviewing some of the most interesting people in Tulsa.

So that’s my story. My potentially big break TV show basically ended with a break up and a podcast. All because I quit. I failed to mention my grandmother and aunt both died during the time of the breakup-adding to the deep dive into depression I found myself in. But again, we can’t have the testimony with out the test and my testimony today is DON’T sell your Apple stock and DON’T Quit when it gets hard!

I will get my break, one day. Believe me I will and I will have a better testimony to share on this blog when I do. Here is an image for you, a piece of art that lives on my wall, painted by a man who had a stroke and loss the use of his dominant hand, so he painted this with his left. See it, say it, and live it!